Generally I am an insanely private person. I have been so for many years because past experience has shown me time and time again that people who you believe you can trust simply cannot be trusted. Or worse, the people who you thought would be there for you no matter what, fail you when you need them the most. For this reason, I usually keep everything bottled up. In doing so, I have allowed myself to expend far too much energy trying to please the people around me and be what they needed. I have allowed my own health to take the brunt of the strain which this has caused. Instead of allowing myself to be open about what it really going on and risking losing the people around me, I tuck myself away into a hollow shell of what is socially acceptable.
From now on, I have decided that opinions be damned, I am going to be honest about who I am and what I feel because my most recent experience with who I thought was my best friend has shown me that the people who really matter will always be there I have learned that if the people who say they love you can so easily write you out of their life when the going gets tough, they never really loved you to begin with.
For anyone who really knows me, you know my contempt for therapists. So this will be my therapy. If no one reads this, I am at least lifting the weight of these burdens off of my weighed down shoulders and allowing myself to enjoy the wonderful life that surrounds me every day.
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